If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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