I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I need a beard to bite.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
