Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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