Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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