no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
