I wish my penis had an off switch
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize