im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
