im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
