The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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