the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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