Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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