Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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