i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm at about main and main street
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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