Just mADE A PArabola og urine
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
