Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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