love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
