Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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