you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
