mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize