I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
