Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
