Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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