how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
