You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
