Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
