I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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