I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
