Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
