Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
