shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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