I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
