bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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