need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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