So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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