Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
