He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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