dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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