Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
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If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
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My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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