Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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