is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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