I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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