Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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