If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
