What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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