And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
