And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Randomize
