I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
