Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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