I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
