So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
