wat bout pragnant strippers??
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
