he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
