Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
