Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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