Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
