All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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