i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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