i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
