I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
two words: eviction party
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
