Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
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