TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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