remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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