Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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