oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
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The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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