People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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