I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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