I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
