He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
