I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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