I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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