Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
