I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
