i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
