if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
